I’ve been making my way through piles of papers this week. Lots of stuff I’ve put off for a long while. You know, those things you really don’t know what to do with but can’t just throw away, so when you come across them, you just put them on the bottom of the pile. Again.
At least I do.
So this week, I’ve actually been dealing with stuff and tossing and shredding and actually filing things that need to be filed.
Something interesting I found was a scrap of paper where I’d written: Make an inventory of things about my life that I hate. What are the causes? What are the solutions? Do I really hate them? If so, why don’t I do something about them? What am I getting out of not changing things?
Interesting. Scary. What are the things that I hate?
- I hate that I’m fat. Oh, wait. That’s politically incorrect, but I can’t just describe myself as thick like my granddaughters do. I’m much thicker than thick. I’m–let’s face it–obese. Morbidly obese. Yuck, I’d rather be fat. And I do hate it.
- I hate that my knees hurt. Because I’m fat.
- I hate that my house is always a mess.
- I hate that I hate to keep house.
- I hate making decisions about what to do with what and what goes where.
- I hate that I can’t have it all.
- I hate that I don’t go places anymore. My husband dies and I stop going to the places I used to love going to. Yes, I’ve become that woman.
- I hate that I’m always broke. Or on the verge of broke. Or having to count pennies.
- I hate that I can’t seem to stop myself from impulse spending (see above).
- I hate that I’m not better informed about what’s going on in the world.
- I hate that at my age I’m still “shy” and have a hard time talking to people.
- I hate that I haven’t written all the books I want to write. Or even A book.
- I hate that I’m not more politically active, but that would mean (a) leaving the house and (b) talking to people.
Lots of things I hate and I’m sure there are more if I really stopped and thought about it. Maybe (no promises) I’ll explore the whys and why nots of this list in future posts. The list is enough for today, and now I can throw away that little scrap of paper.